so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize