never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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