Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
