so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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