this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
