At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
