I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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