I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
