Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
