I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize