i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
