just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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