Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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