okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
