Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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