I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
