You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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