WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
