I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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