We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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