i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
