foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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