i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
