fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
