Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
