i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
