youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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