Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
