he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
