Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
