No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
