It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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