Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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