Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
