I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
