i came on her dog
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
