How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
