I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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