I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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