its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
