look no pants
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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