so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
