took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
