i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
