i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
