i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
