I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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