they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
