I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my liver is dry heaving
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The air taste purple.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
