saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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