Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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