mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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