TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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