SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
