The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
