dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
