Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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