Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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