the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
