Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
