Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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