My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
