you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
