ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
